wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
