Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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