You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
