i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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