i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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