You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
