no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
