We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
