i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize