I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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