operation harelip BJ is a go
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
