Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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