Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
