Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
