I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
