we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
