I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
