Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
