I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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