she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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