My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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