his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
