At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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