In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
