I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
