I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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