Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
