Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
