This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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