got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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