You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
