it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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