Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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