that's an acceptable place to lick
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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