DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
