Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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