you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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