he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
