I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
