Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
