I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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