She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
