youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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