Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
