i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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