There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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