yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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