Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
