I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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