just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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