but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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