She said her name was "party"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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