You're so nebulous sometimes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
