Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
