I bet he comes in French.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
organizing the empties. That sober.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize