how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
