she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
