He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
