Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
