would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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