Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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