i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
