threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
